LOOKING AT PICTURES OF ME IN THE BEGINNING OF THE YEAR AND I’M SKINNY WITH REALLY LONG HAIR WTF HAVE I DONE TO MYSELF I’M SO ANGRY AT MYSELF.

'I'M ALL ABOUT THAT BASS' i cry as i shove another cookie in my mouth. 

popularboyfriend:

when someone asks for a piece of your snack

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tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

en0lagay:

no pain no gain

en0lagay:

no pain no gain

trust:

do you ever want to just yell in someones face to date you

oomshi:

my phone battery died faster than my dreams

fukkkres:

when ur eating dinner at your friends house

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and their parents start arguing

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and you want to ask for the salt

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but the salt is right in between their upcoming divorce

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thesassycat:

"This isnt a project that you will be able to do the night before"

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aobadatsgay:

I AM FUCKING DEAD. SO I WAS HAVING TROUBLE DOWNLOADING THE SIMS 2 THING THAT’S BEEN GOING AROUND SO I CONTACTED THEIR LIVE CHAT SUPPORT FOR HELP. WELL THE PERSON WANTED MY INFO AND FOR ME TO ANSWER THE SECURITY QUESTION I SET UP SO THEY COULD PUT THE GAME IN MY COLLECTION.
THE QUESTION WAS “What was your dream job as a kid?”
GUESS WHO HAD TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION TO A LIVE PERSON WITH “Doing your mom.”. SPOILET ALERT IT WAS FUCKING ME.

aobadatsgay:

I AM FUCKING DEAD. SO I WAS HAVING TROUBLE DOWNLOADING THE SIMS 2 THING THAT’S BEEN GOING AROUND SO I CONTACTED THEIR LIVE CHAT SUPPORT FOR HELP. WELL THE PERSON WANTED MY INFO AND FOR ME TO ANSWER THE SECURITY QUESTION I SET UP SO THEY COULD PUT THE GAME IN MY COLLECTION.
THE QUESTION WAS “What was your dream job as a kid?”
GUESS WHO HAD TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION TO A LIVE PERSON WITH “Doing your mom.”. SPOILET ALERT IT WAS FUCKING ME.

chainsawpunk:

wow she really can play any role

chainsawpunk:

wow she really can play any role